You don’t really know someone, till you live with them.

I’ve known my roomate, Chris, since about the 5th or 6th grade. We’ve been friends for a long time. Like all good friends, we’ve had our ups and downs. A couple months ago, for the frist time, we became roomates. Bad idea.

Over these few months I’ve learned things about Chris that I either diddn’t know before, or had ignored before. Now, faced with a situation where I can no longer ignore these things, and am forced to recognize them, I’m begining to wish we haddn’t decided to live together. I’m singned up for a year here, however, and I’m determined to make the situation surviveable, if not enjoyable.

What is so awful about him that I’d question our 10+ years friendship? I’m begining to see his true charachter. Not only is he completely unaware of other people’s feelings and thoughts, when they are explained to him, he doesn’t care. I can define Chris’s charachter (or lack there of) as both entirely un-empathetic, completely selfish, and wholely apathetic. I’ve met people before who diddn’t care about other peoples feelings, but at least they could recognize what those feelings were. I’ve even met people who were totally ignorant of how other people might feel about something, but even they, when explained another’s point of view could recognize it. Untill now, however, I’ve never met someone that embodies both of these flaws in charachter.

I’ve got three examples of this, in how Chris has chosen to relate to me. First, some background. Being so close to shcool and work, I decided to take the insurance off of my car (let it lapse). Chris and I live 2.5 hours from our home town of Chelsea, MI.

EXAMPLE 1:

It’s weeks before my birthday, and Chris suggests we go up north to his grandparent’s cabin, and go tubeing with their boat over my birthday weekend. We litteraly have been planning on this for at least a month, plans developing more and more as the weeks went on. TWO DAYS before we are supposed to leave, Chris mentions, “I hope they’ll let me use the boat.” At this point, we’ve invited other people, and there are several people looking forward to my birthday, at a cabin, with a boat. Upon hearing this, I am understandably supprised that he would suggest something without verifying that it was even possible. I urge him to see if it is possible. The next day (my birthday-eve) I call him from work to see if he’d called about the boat yet (he haddn’t). He informed me on the phone that he has decided not to do the trip at all, and that he was leaving for home without me. Part of our plan had been to go home after my late class that night, so I could have a birthday dinner with my family (reservations were already made). So, I freak out, trying to figure out why he’s decided to not only “ditch” me on my birthday, but to completely screw me out of seeing my family on my birthday (remember, I can’t drive myself home, no insurance, he knows this). He offeres me no explination, and leaves.

Even after that weekend, he refused to admit that he was at fault at all, or did anything wrong. Frustrating, but in the interest of living together in peace, I decided to let it be. His value as a friend to me did, however, take a big hit at that point.

EXAMPLE 2:

Earlier this week, I came home from work, and saw Chris getting into his car to leave for class. He said he had slept in and was missing his class, and that he was going to try to rush to the Allendale campus (25min away) to catch the end of it. As I was locking my bike up, I said, “Cool, let me ride with you, I’m ready to go.” I knew he was in a hurry, so I ran over to his car. As he saw me run towards his car, he quickly turned it on, and literaly screeched his tires and took off as I was trying to get in the door. What a prick.

EXAMPLE 3:

A couple weeks ago, I had asked Chris if I could ride home with him for labor day weekend, he told me no, because he was going to be staying back home till Tuesday, and I had to work on tuesday. I said, fine, and that I would make other arrangements. I talked to my dad two days ago, and he said that he could give me a ride home on Saturday or Sunday, if I could catch a ride home with Chris. I proceded right away to ask Chris if I could ride bakc home with him, but not ride back. He said, “Sure, thats fine.” Plans were made accordingly. I asked him this morning what time he wanted to leave tonite, and he replies, “you’re not coming with me” I’m shocked, that he would a. diecided to screw me AGAIN, and that he wouldn’t have even told me had I not brought it up!!! An argument ensued.

At this point I’m completely done with him. Chris will recieve from me absolutely no emotional investment. Our friendship, now, if you can call it that, will be one of mere circumstance. I’ve realized that all he cares about is himself, and I have a sinking suspicion that he derives pleasure from screwing me over. I quit.

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